For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
