I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
