She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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