i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
