I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
