I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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