3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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