Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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