He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
