nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
