I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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