Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
