come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
