Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
