I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
