the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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