this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
