I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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