Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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