She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize