Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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