bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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