Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
