I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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