dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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