tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
