Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You were trust falling into bushes
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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