I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
