what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
