I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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