He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
