people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
