Can i not drive my cunt home
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
