Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
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