hotel room ftw
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
