a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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