Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
