you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
