Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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