you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
