Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
