Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
no you cant smoke seaweed
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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