just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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