I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just pee around me
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
