Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
