Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize