Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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