That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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