roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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