Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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