Hippo gnu deer
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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