Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
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