You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
