you traded sex for a burrito?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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