i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
