obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
