You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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