I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I still have a little drunk in my system
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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