I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
