when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
