Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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