Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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