new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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