Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
