the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
