this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
