No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
